21 Comments
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cybele's avatar

This was so hard to read, I had to stop twice. I love (as I think you know) your writing, and your truths in this one resonate for all sorts of uncomfortable reasons. Thank you for writing it.

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Cabot O'Callaghan's avatar

TIM KREIDER: Spirit animal.

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DHellner's avatar

I'd seen it on TV and in movies while growing up—Kaos in Get Smart, Bond films, etc. Where the bad guys, evil, try to reign by controlling the weather. It looks like they won.

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DHellner's avatar

How many days are we away from death? My mother is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's (with aphasia). Doris is attended by caregivers, my sisters, and me between hospice visits which are frequent now. It's as real as it gets. Today, she arranged the pillows and sat up straight in bed on her own. She addressed me by name—which hasn't happened in a long time—and spoke with deceptive clarity, "Diane, I don't think anyone here understands me."

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Nikki Hardin's avatar

That last paragraph bowled me over. Thank you, even though it's a bitter dose to swallow. That long idyll of my own youth and maturity...gone now and my grandchildren never to know what it was like. But better to face it than pretend things will go back to the Before. A stunning essay.

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Zeb's avatar

“Sometimes you have to re-tell it to yourself just to get it all straight and remind yourself it’s all real.”

I’ll just echo some of the (more eloquent) commenters above: Yes to all of this. Please keep writing. Thank you.

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Jojosan's avatar

Sorry about your mum. She probably was really lovely, and loving, and you’ve lived a young, boyish life as a result, (that was nevertheless melancholy). Mums are special - they can never give up because that would mean abandoning their children and that is complete anathema to the beautiful and binding contract of birth. All mums are Sarah Connors, even though some mate with the cyborgs.

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Max Doinel's avatar

I like the "misdirections" of the essay itself. Is it about personal/family loss? the grim political landscape? How are both connected? It's what I like about Kreider, who often weaves ideas together in a way that demands and rewards close attention.

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Madeline Sorel's avatar

Thank you so much!

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Tom's avatar

Organic life is entropic by nature (or maybe design). We've simply created too many threatening problems within our environment for the energy we have to fight them (cancer is a perfect example of human cells going through entropy; too many bad cells for the good cells to fight off). We are, as a species, watching our own extinction take place. We can, as so many try to do, take extraordinary (and, needless to say, expensive) steps to fight the entrophy, or simply allow it to run its course. Me, I would prefer the latter. Let it all run its course, the sooner the better. My eventual demise will come one way or the other; nothing can stop that.

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DK Brooklyn's avatar

There are things each of us can do to fight the darkness. Be the light and spread the messages that will win elections. For me the fight is in politics. I know that that is where the other side is putting their energy.

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Larry Hicock's avatar

This made me think of something. A few years ago I lived in Montreal. In the middle of a particularly harsh winter (they're all bad), my wife and I were walking down the street when a man in front of us suddenly raised his arms and shook them over and over, then he looked up at the heavens and shouted. "Fuck you! Fuck you!" For some reason, that gave us some kind of solace.

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Alan Goldman's avatar

This was my first reading of The Loaf. He puts my thoughts into beautiful words . But the message is sad as the truth sometimes is.

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Ariane Conrad's avatar

Yes. Thanks for making me feel less alone contemplating and holding it all. Sorry for your loss.

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Erich Beer's avatar

Please never stop writing. You are my only reliable "advance man reporting from the time ahead".

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Max Doinel's avatar

Yes, I liked that phrase too.

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Tom Jerome's avatar

VOX Has an article today that stated that 42% of people polled avoid the news. Such is the age we live in. But, I guess ignorance is bliss... except when reality come and smacks you in the face.

Meanwhile, as with death & dying we are trying to reach the final stage of grief; acceptance. The Buddah says suffering comes from desire and expectation. The best we can do is to avoid doing harm and try to relieve suffering.

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